Thursday, December 13

these small hours

today was a tiring day... played basketball and handball with the eleventh and twelfth graders. and then we practiced for the talent show.

practicing for the talent show with my (still) new classmates were a little bit harder than my previous class. maybe it's because i've gotten used to to practice with them, that it's really hard to practice with my new class. the people at my new class aren't as cooperative as my previous class. maybe it's because we're still new with each other it's hard for us to understand each other's ability. i almost cried. no, not because i miss my old classmates. no, not because i feel like my old classmates were better than my new ones. no, not because i feel the new ones are bringing me down. it's because i cannot stand it anymore. i'm the kind of person who don't really get mad when it isn't necessary. but sometimes, i kept it for too long and when it's at the top of my lungs, everything just blows up. i could cry for hours because of the things i kept with myself.

my friend broke down because she missed her ex boyfriend. i am jealous of her. how she's able to tell me all her feelings while crying, while i can't. maybe this is why people can't really understand me that deep, because i don't open up that much. i tell people my secrets, secrets that matter. but i don't tell them my feelings. it's hard for me to tell because i don't trust people.

although my new classmates are hard to cooperate with, they're still super fun. but again, my old classmates could make me laugh without needing to force me. i hate doing this. comparing the old ones to the new ones. and sometimes, comparing things would make me give up. like when i was practicing for talent show, we were so different from my previous class (who were very easy to cooperate with and want to do the best for our performances). and so i quiet down and did nothing. i gave up practicing with them because i kept comparing from one to another. which was a very bad thing to do. comparing someone to someone else is a very wrong thing to do, and i'm trying not to do it. trying's better than not even trying.

but that doesn't mean i don't like my new class. they're amazing! AND THEY HAVE SUPERB TASTE IN MUSIC WHICH MADE THEM EXTRA BETTER.

oh by the way, christmas is near and my class is putting up christmas decorations!

going to post something special after this post! keep on checking my blog love!

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