Berjalan Lebih Jauh

PH | JANIS

As everybody know, after prom there is an inevitable event where you are forced to watch those you love legally and formally leave the school, also known as graduation. When I was in grade 10, I sang in choir for Indra's generation's graduation. I cried while I sang. On Friday, I cried again while we sang Like An Eagle. Even my senior who looks tough on the outside cried while he was walking after receiving his graduation certificate. Within two hours of graduation, I only thought about two things:

1. I will be the one sitting on those chairs, wearing a kebaya and toga next year

2. I will be a twelfth grader next month

I swear time is a jerk. Time really is a jerk. I can't believe I've spent two years with my class (and teachers!!!!!! I hope they become my class teachers next semester)! The morning of graduation Intan said "Next year we'll be singing for you." And then the night, she commented on a post "You were Cindelaras! Why are you graduating so soon!". I have a dream that when semester 5 comes, everything will be normal. My class location is still the same, my teachers are Bu Tari and Pak Cipta, grade 12 will be next to my class, but it won't happen that way. Right now I have a dilemma between not wanting to stay in grade 11, but not wanting to be in grade 12. Can we stop time and just let this in-between grades moment take a little bit longer?

But, I am not here to talk about my feelings. We can talk about that next year. MY SENIORS GRADUATED. THEY GRADUATED. I've known them for three years, some of them for six years, and I CANNOT BELIEVE IT. My class and theirs have spent two years in a row having our class next to each other. We would borrow each other's laptops, iPads (all kinds of gadgets actually), and sometimes we would pop in into each other's class and just sit there listening to the teacher, and due to the weird light switch placing, my class would have to switch on our lights from their class hehehe. Both of classes are very near, even though we've had difficulties and complications, but we managed to be okay. We're okay.

the girl who frequently gives me surprise hugs 

sama ef'she

with the funniest senior of the year holla

I will miss them. I will miss the ef'she boys, their naughtiness, jokes, and the sound of their laughter during break time. I will miss Chacha's surprise hugs, because most of my friends who gave me surprise hugs have moved away, and she's the only person who still does that. Until now, of course. I will miss them shy and quiet lovebirds talking to each other in front of the lockers. I will miss sudden hang outs at anytime of the day with them. I will miss playing truth or dare with them, where all secrets will be revealed. And if only I could mention them one by one, but I can't. You know why them leaving hurts so much to my class? It's because we are like siblings. We were practically next door neighbours for two full years, and at times we would switch classes just because. When you know a group of siblings who you see everyday aren't going to be there anymore, it breaks your heart. It leaves a hole in the heart, and there's nothing to fill it in. If only time would fly slower. But other than that, I am very happy that they're going to a higher level of education. 

I love them all. I really do.

this dream isn't feeling sweet
we're reeling through the midnight streets
and i've never felt more alone
feels so scary getting old
- Ribs, Lorde