Wednesday, July 9

Not Any Younger

Am going to buy sparklers and fireworks for myself by the end of this month, just because

Rage, pain, hatred, guilt, naiveness, love, and lust have been binding with the hemoglobin in my veins for the past few months (maybe years). I realise it was time for me to have an 'outing' for me to let all these feelings out of my veins. I am lost in what I need to do for these feelings to flow out of my head, and then I remember what it felt like to scream. To scream is to let out all the pain, the anger, the guilt, the misery, and that is what I needed most. I just want to be out of pain for once, you feel me?

I miss going to the beach & I miss feeling this happy

Some people mature faster than others, and I feel like I did. I might seem silly, and spontaneous, but I am actually such a careful person. Only some teenagers mature rapidly, and those are the people that can actually compromise with the feelings that are flowing in our veins. She's not dealing with the same kind of teen angst I'm dealing with, but she's dealing with something else as well. We talk and listen to each other. At times, we would give each other tips and tricks, but most times we just listen to each other's nag & brag. Because what most people (especially adolescent) want is to be understood. I told her things I felt like I was writing in my diary (it contains a lot of nasty words, sick and eccentric thoughts), and she said she's OK listening to my complaints and thoughts. I am grateful to know someone two years younger than me, but almost as mature as I am.

I told her we should have a therapy from Life. Yes Life. Life capital L. I'm in a point in my adolescent life where I wish I didn't have any feelings. Because as I told you, feelings & hormones are two pieces of poop that ruins everything. Our therapy session would include hella tons of screaming, running, jumping, picture taking, and most likely, there will be ice cream (or any other sugar coated snacks we can come up with). I will also visit the theme park with my family after Ied, and I cannot wait for that day to come, because that day, I am allowed to scream as loud and as much as I want, and nobody's going to complain me for it.

I just wrote a post on my Word Press on: What are you most grateful for in life?. Check it out.

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