The Monkey on Your Back

Legally Blonde (2011)

Quoted from a song I particularly like just because of how it sounds, "... the monkey on your back is the latest trend..." Anyone Else But You by Dawson Kimya from the movie Juno. Like the monkey on their back, for people my age, or actually, people in their fourth year of uni, conducting the final defence (sidang skripsi) is a trend. A lot of my friends have conducted their defence and I am honestly, genuinely happy for them. I post Congratulations for your new degree! post on my Instagram stories because I highly appreciate and sincerely amazed at their effort of finally finishing their 3,5 - 4 years of study. However, posting certain stories on my social media can trigger a lot of different responds. And by different, I mean... Not what I expected.


I've posted several stories of my friends celebrating their new degree, and the only thing people can respond to my stories is "So, how's your thesis coming?" "When are you going to do your defence?" "Have you gotten a date for your defence?" They keep asking about how I am struggling with my thesis. I honestly don't always find this annoying, as I know they actually mean well. However, when you encounter these kinds of questions several times a day every time you share the fact that another friend has gotten their degree, I mean... It gets pretty annoying! Having friends who have gotten their degree is already quite the reminder on how I should do my best to get my degree, so I honestly don't need the pressure of the questions people of the internet have in mind.

Being asked again and again on how I'm struggling with my thesis, or how my thesis progress is, gets me even more frustrated than ever! The questions just linger all over my head, making me worry more whether I am actually going to finish my thesis or not. What was once meant to be a supportive gesture turns out being a stressful gesture... It's not healthy. I just want to be able to congratulate my friends in their success without being asked the questions that'll get me frustrated.

Brooklyn Nine-nine

So if you're one of those people who keep asking your friends, or cousins, or nephews or nieces, or siblings, how their thesis is going? Stop asking so frequently. They (and by they I mean, we) need time to grow our thesis. If you keep asking every week, the growth of the thesis might not be what is expected. So stop asking, and start giving support by maybe... Sending a picture or two of motivation quotes once in a while; Reminding them to take a break once in a while and watch the sunset with them; Or treat them out for coffee and actually talk about the things they (and you) are going through. Support each other. There are plenty of ways to support another person's thesis struggles without burdening them with your scary questions. Be creative.

You really want to know how my thesis is going? Ask me in person, genuinely, without judgement, maybe over milk tea or coffee. I would know a question that doesn't come off as a judgemental one. If you're not able to ask me in person, I'll let you know now: I will be doing my seminar hasil (research results) presentation next week, and hopefully my final defence two weeks after the presentation. I can't promise anything, but here's an update so that I can stop answering frustrating questions.

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