Ending and Starting

2020 starts in a few days and I'm mainly excited! Listed below are some of the most cherished things I went through 2019:

A Being heartbroken... and healing from it. I wrote more about my breakup here. But again, I wanted to highlight how much the heartbreak means a lot to me. It was my first serious relationship and it left a very big footstep in my heart. I don't think I've said thank you to him, the ex boyfriend. For the two and a half years of laughs, fights, motorbike rides, and crazy moments. Most importantly, without him, I probably wouldn't be in my current internship. This one I owe him big time. My current internship right now plays a huge stepping stone for me within the marine science and conservation field. So thank you. Thank you for pushing me to email the team leader and to go for it. Thank you for reminding me to not always give opportunities to others, but to myself as well. An almost-year after the breakup, I semi-healed. I got to spend a lot of time with myself while exploring and growing. I learned a lot about my relationships toward others and myself. I managed to open my heart too, during this time of self-exploring. Lucky me, I'm now in a relationship with a guy I've known for the past 4.5 years and we share the same of almost everything!

B Finishing my degree. My uni years were a rollercoaster ride. Or more like the semi-diurnal tides. It goes up and down and up and down... I wrote some of the exciting things about my uni activities here, and some videos here. It feels surreal, in anyway, to no longer be a student anymore. I remember being afraid of graduating, because I would have to 'adult'. My friend and I talked about our fears and our anxiousness in facing the real world, and truly, leaving our comfort zone behind. The lab I work in, the computation lab, has been my comfort zone for the past year and a half. Or maybe even two years. I go there almost daily and meet the brilliant students my lecturer guided. I felt great being there because we were struggling through the science researches together. It feels weird having to leave the table I usually sit at, no longer playing darts when I've looked at the laptop screen for too long. Leaving the friends is heavy too. My heart is heavy knowing each of us will have our own busyness, and might not be in the same town anymore. Nevertheless, I thank the friends and the seniors and the juniors and the lecturers and staff who helped me made my way through it all.

C Stepped on new places.  Earlier this year on my Instagram post, I wrote "Hopefully this year (2019) I'll spend much more time on the road, or someplace I've never step foot on before". Glad to tell you, I did spend some time both on the road, and someplace I've never been before. I finally hiked a mountain in Bali, went on a road trip to East Java, went back and forth to the Nusa islands, and finally went to Kalimantan! All these travels are eye-opening trips and it created bonds between me and some of the people I never thought I would get along with.

D Accomplishments accomplishments accomplishments! I did not plan to accomplish several things this year, as my one true goal was to finish my degree. But hey, the universe decided otherwise! I also got my Orange Belt in Krav Maga and my PADI Rescue Diver! Being able to still breathe and laugh after completing my Krav Maga grading made me very proud of myself. The grading pushed me to my limit, physically and mentally. I had my arms dragged across the room and I had to stand up and fight back. Doing the grading really made the 'what ever happens, don't give up' mindset. Because in this case, if you give up... You die. Doing my Rescue Course wasn't easy either. In this course, I had to practice being aware... not only on myself and my surroundings, but also other people. I need to have a sense of responsibility of making sure the other person is A-OK. By doing the course, I learned to be more confident in the water. I am beyond blessed that I am able to accomplish these extra activities by the end of this decade.

Things I did not achieve this year:

1. Go on an Indochina trip. This is just a fantasy of mines without proper budgeting and preparation, therefore turns into just a goal on paper.
2. Accomplish my thesis before Ied Al-Fitr. Again, this was a shitty goal without proper timing and just plain too-ambitious Janis.
3. Learn a new language. I think I got way too caught up with my thesis and was already confused in writing my thesis in proper Indonesian, I didn't make time to learn a new language.
4. Less nail biting / clipping my nails too short. My finger nails are still short, sadly. But my ingrown toenails are decreasing a lot... Which is progress.
5. Maintain my morning routine. Ever since the beginning of August, my morning routine have been down-spiral-ing. I stopped meditation, stopped praying my Subuhs, stopped waking up at the same time everyday... I'm meaning to restart my morning routine fresh for next year. Maybe not doing all habits at once, but doing it step-by-step.

So above are my so-called 2019 self-assessment. I have several areas I want to focus on next year that will help me achieve my goals. I watched Rowena Tsai's video while thinking about what I want to achieve next year... And I thought I might share them with you. Well, at least some of them.

2020 Theme: Authenticity, Consistency, Connectedness

Authenticity → Remembering the Confidence Gap (In studies, men overestimate their abilities & performances, and women underestimate both. Their performances do not differ in quality.); Practice self-awareness and self-honesty; Have courage to explore inner self, values, etc.; Step out of comfort zone to practice confidence in knowing one's true value.

Consistency → Consistency > Intensity; Morning routine; 'I will not dwell on self doubts until after I've completed all my process goals'; 'You are what you repeatedly do - Aristotles'; Doing the same thing over and over with improvement will create a different results.

Connectedness → Sometimes your circle decreases in size, but increases in value; Higher levels of perceived social connectedness increases immunity; Set aside time each day to spend in spiritual reflection and contemplation; Acknowledge yours and other people's feelings; Mobility is key to maintaining social networks as we age.

10 2020 Goals

Self-growth:

Practice mindfulness consistently (Meditate and pray everyday)

Read one new book each month (Preferably non-fiction > fiction)

Relationships:

Have monthly dates with someone I find inspiring. Learn from them while also maintaining and building good network

Finance:

Pay for my own phone bills

Start investing (Read and learn!!! Then do!!!)

Career and Education:

Get better in freediving (Be able to hold my breath up to 3 minutes (too ambitious? idk) underwater while swimming)

Learn more on statistical (such as R) and GIS (such as ArcGIS) softwares to sharpen my skills (and also increase my working value so I have more money hahah)

Wellbeing:

Practice mindful eating

Lessen screen time on phone to 4 hours/day

Sustainability:

Do Meatless Monday every week

I highly suggest people to make a sketch of what they want to achieve, both short term and long term. When deciding long term goals, it can be broken down into smaller goals which you can start doing one by one. I personally still have other long-term dreams that I want to achieve, however, with thinking of all my activities for next year, it might not be wise to cramp every thing for next year. While breaking down your goals and dreams, it's important to be SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely).

I hope 2020 will be your year. Have the greatest year-end loves.

Photo taken by Lisa Auditore.
Edited on Adobe Lightroom and Adobe Photoshop by yours truly xx.