life update: july 2022

Picture by Zach Boakes on film

Hello my dearest lovers! I have not written to you in a while. My last life update was September 2021, which feels kind of surreal... I am writing this in the Ngurah Rai domestic terminal, waiting for my 18.15 flight to Jakarta, where I will be attending a visa interview. I'll tell you more about it in some paragraphs below. Bali has been pretty windy (thanks monsoon!), but still scorching as ever. Tourism is back on its feet, as the airport is filled with the variety of faces walking and running past by me to their designated gates. The roads of southern Bali is packed with cars and their drivers, driving guests for day trips to Ubud and Kintamani. Even Lembongan is now jammed with guests riding their rented motorbike around the island. Anyways, besides the updates on Bali, here are the long-awaited life updates.

Exhibit A: leaving Bali soon

Yes, you read that right. After living in Bali for almost seven years, I am leaving. Not for good, though... No. I will be leaving Bali for a two-year Master's program! I am excited to tell you that I am a Fulbright Master's Program scholarship recipient, where I'll be starting my postgraduate studies at the Florida International University, in Miami, Florida, USA. As my departure date gets closer, it feels even more surreal... I am quite sad about leaving my not-so-little-anymore pup Kikoman the Princess Dog, but I believe she will be in good hands while I am away. I am pretty accustomed with living far away from my family, but starting in a new city from scratch scares me. I will be moving to Miami, a busy, lively, and traffic-y city like Jakarta. I loathe going back to somewhere that is 'like Jakarta', but at least it is closer to the beach. I think of how my day-to-day routine will look like, and the outfits I will be wearing. I think of the new people I will meet, and whether I will be able to befriend them or not. I think of attending full-English courses and whether I will be able to catch up or not. Ready or not, I will move to Miami, either way.

With Aulia, who is now in Australia doing her master's degree, and Ellie; me during eid

Exhibit B: lovey-dovey Jan

Just my luck falling in love a couple of months before leaving Bali for two years, hey? I met my current boyfriend a couple of months ago, and we ended up being in a relationship. Although the timing is not the best, I am very lucky to be with him, as he's been very supportive of my studies, work, hobbies, and co-parenting Kikoman the Princess Dog. He is funny and friendly and a happy-go-lucky kinda guy. He's the golden retriever and I'm the black cat. He eases me from being too stiff, and I remind him to take things easy. He teaches me to express my emotions in a more articulate manner, and I tell him to pull his shoulders back. He encourages me to find alternative meals to meat as he is vegetarian, and I introduce him to Asian food he's never had before. I think he thinks I am not into him as he is into me, but I am into him as he is into me... I just write my feelings better than I am at talking about it. So here's a full paragraph about you Zach. As I am writing this, he is also at the Ngurah Rai airport, but in the international terminal. He's leaving for London, and when he comes back to Bali I will already be on the other side of Earth. I hope in the next few months where I will write another life update I will still be able to tell you guys that he and I are doing well.

Jan and Zach; Jan and Kiko

Exhibit C: feeling lost

Lately I have been feeling like the things I am/have been doing are all in vain. I think of the goals and purposes of the things I am doing, and it makes me feel useless, as I am not sure whether I am getting anywhere closer to the goal or not. I feel this might be a weird section of my (apparently still) on-going imposter syndrome. Besides work tasks, I now spend most of my time watching movies (I am trying to watch all Marvel movies according to their release date. I am now at Captain America: Winter Soldier), calling my boyfriend who is seven hours behind me, trying to sort my things at home before leaving, and going to the beach with the dogs. I have been watching Youtube videos of my favourite youtubers, and doing yoga again, trying to feel more of myself. Watching vlogs make me miss making and editing vlogs. My boyfriend said I should give myself some slack as I will be going through a major life change (moving abroad, starting school again, etc.). I agree, and think I should just do the things that will make me feel less lost, and more of myself. How? I'll figure it out. Maybe rewatching Avatar: The Last Airbender for the fourth time will make me feel more of myself again.

I have nothing else to write about right now. I just ordered a pack of Polaroid film, and about to order a new film roll for my film camera. I cannot wait to show you the pictures I'll be taking from the last few weeks of my life in Indonesia. Cheers!